What comes to mind when you think New Years Eve. Exactly what comes into mine? Party, have a good time with your friends, bring in the year with a bang. Thats what i thought on the 31st of Dec 2008. Had my drink, had my party, had my friends...didn't have no family around me. I wish i did, cause when i got woken up at half 7 on New Years Day 2009- still drunk, my world came crashing down and landed with a thump, and it wasn't the hangover that enduced that feeling, it was general heart-ache. I lost my best-friend and my Nan all in the same second. That day really is a just a blur to be honest, i cried my heart out til i couldn't cry no more, then when i didn't cry i stuck my head in a bottle of Vodka, and cried some more. Hearing how much my Grandad loved my Nan was painful to say the least, to see the empty-ness in those mans eyes, lonliness and vunerability. What made it worse is that the next day was her birthday, she would have been 67 years old.
Nan got diagnosed at the end of November with cancer, she got told that if she took treatment she would live a bit longer, and being the caring person she was, she accepted, cause she loved spending every minute with us. Christmas was extra special that year too, like she knew she was leaving us, and we adjusted to suit her, we made it the best Christmas ever- even the family that don't get on but on a brave front to be there for her, her day.
On a personal basis. my life went down hill, i hit the bottle for like a week solid, until after the funeral at least. School was just, school, nothing special, i put on a brave face for the people around me, but inside i was dying. As the days went by, so did life, can't remember good things that happened in that period of time unless i look at a picture. Prelims came, and i was doing pretty well before the end of the year, last year and all, wanted to do my best. I got depressed and didn't perform well in my Prelims, but i bucked up my ideas and turned everything around, i had to not just for me but also for the people around me. I could sense that my Mum was struggling, how else would you feel after losing your mum? I went to interviews for Universities and finally decided on Glasgow Caley, i also wrote and article for a magazine. Things were looking up, that was until exams approached. By this time i was thinking about Nan everyday again. After a very long Summer of ups and downs, highs and lows, my exam results came and i failed all my subjects and kissed my Uni place goodbye.
It's been just over a year now and i'm getting there. The past year has been extremely tough, i fainted and banged my head and i all the carnage, my Nan spoke to me, told me to wake up, but at that time i didn't want to. She saved me. I found something called To Write Love On Her Arms, and since then i've been such a positive person. Losing my Nan was by far the hardest thing i've ever succumed to in my life, but i'm 18, i have my whole life ahead of me, granted the person i wanted there to share the important parts with me isn't here physically, but i will always know that she's in here <3 style="font-weight: bold;">never will.
She left me- physically- with a massive secret. Being the one of two of the closest people in my life, my Nan knew i was gay. I wasn't ready to tell anyone else, but i did tell her. She supported me, like in everything i done. In that one hellish year, 2009, my life got so depressed and pressured, that secret just came out, in the long run, it was best for me. It showed me that my family loves me, and it also showed me who my real friends are. I didn't have the comfort of Nan anymore, i was on my own, maybe thats why it turned out to be such an up-hill battle? Who knows, but i've came out the other end a happier person. A year has passed, i still think about her everyday and still talk to her cause i know she'll listen, but no more depression, i hardly let drink take over when i'm out or at a party. I'm in control now, and i know she's up there happy and proud.
Nan got diagnosed at the end of November with cancer, she got told that if she took treatment she would live a bit longer, and being the caring person she was, she accepted, cause she loved spending every minute with us. Christmas was extra special that year too, like she knew she was leaving us, and we adjusted to suit her, we made it the best Christmas ever- even the family that don't get on but on a brave front to be there for her, her day.
On a personal basis. my life went down hill, i hit the bottle for like a week solid, until after the funeral at least. School was just, school, nothing special, i put on a brave face for the people around me, but inside i was dying. As the days went by, so did life, can't remember good things that happened in that period of time unless i look at a picture. Prelims came, and i was doing pretty well before the end of the year, last year and all, wanted to do my best. I got depressed and didn't perform well in my Prelims, but i bucked up my ideas and turned everything around, i had to not just for me but also for the people around me. I could sense that my Mum was struggling, how else would you feel after losing your mum? I went to interviews for Universities and finally decided on Glasgow Caley, i also wrote and article for a magazine. Things were looking up, that was until exams approached. By this time i was thinking about Nan everyday again. After a very long Summer of ups and downs, highs and lows, my exam results came and i failed all my subjects and kissed my Uni place goodbye.
It's been just over a year now and i'm getting there. The past year has been extremely tough, i fainted and banged my head and i all the carnage, my Nan spoke to me, told me to wake up, but at that time i didn't want to. She saved me. I found something called To Write Love On Her Arms, and since then i've been such a positive person. Losing my Nan was by far the hardest thing i've ever succumed to in my life, but i'm 18, i have my whole life ahead of me, granted the person i wanted there to share the important parts with me isn't here physically, but i will always know that she's in here <3 style="font-weight: bold;">never will.
She left me- physically- with a massive secret. Being the one of two of the closest people in my life, my Nan knew i was gay. I wasn't ready to tell anyone else, but i did tell her. She supported me, like in everything i done. In that one hellish year, 2009, my life got so depressed and pressured, that secret just came out, in the long run, it was best for me. It showed me that my family loves me, and it also showed me who my real friends are. I didn't have the comfort of Nan anymore, i was on my own, maybe thats why it turned out to be such an up-hill battle? Who knows, but i've came out the other end a happier person. A year has passed, i still think about her everyday and still talk to her cause i know she'll listen, but no more depression, i hardly let drink take over when i'm out or at a party. I'm in control now, and i know she's up there happy and proud.
See if you have the time, check out To Write Love On Her Arms could change you.
And Nan you know i love you.
And Nan you know i love you.
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